Anyway, I was in the potty and I noticed this ant (yes, we have ants � we always get them at the same time of year but we�re not living in a hovel or anything � we just get them). This little dude was just trudging across the bathroom floor and my brain began the random question generator as it often does. The first thought in my mind was that this ant was really adventurous because all of the little wussy ants were down on the main floor in the kitchen and here this little guy was just chillin� in the bathroom. So, obviously this ant is a serious explorer and climber, a Sir Edmund Hillary of ants, if you will. I then noticed that this ant had a big ass. He was not a big ass ant but he was a big-assed ant. I applauded him for the, ahem, junk in his trunk because some people, and apparently, animals have big asses. It isn't any reason to treat them differently from the rest of the world. It�s just our cross, or I guess it would be our ass, to bear.

So here comes the point of all this. You didn�t think I had one did ya�?

Do animals feel self conscious about themselves? Like when I flip my dog�s ears back to look like Dr. Spock - does she get pissed at me? Do those red-assed baboons cry because the world doesn�t know their �real� name and just calls them red-assed baboons and somebody ALWAYS goes �yeah, those poor bastards�. Sure, I call myself short girl because that�s how I�m identified. My name is Jennifer but everybody knows there�s like 6 bazillion of us so I am often called �ya� know � short Jenn� to which the other person in the conversation replies �oh, yeah � Jenn! I love her! She�s so damn awesome � I wish I was her!�. Well, they�d at least get the first sentence, anyway. Can ya� tell I like myself? It�s not being self important, I�d much rather call it mentally healthy.

Anyway, off of the subject�.sorry. I wouldn�t like it if people referred to me as big-assed Jenn (which I really am but that�s not the issue). Though some use it to their advantage, like JLo, I wouldn�t be all crazy about it. Granted, I�d probably use it to my advantage if I knew that I would be able to get a career other than bit parts in quality porn films like �A tale of two asses� or something but does money really heal the emotional and mental scars of being called �big ass Jenn�? I don�t think so. Getting philosophical on you now, sorry...

So here�s my other question, do animals recognize the differences of other animals? My dog, Olive, for instance, as cute and wonderful as she is, she�s totally the spoiled little bitch. Do the other dogs at the dog park think on some level, �Oh, my GOD! Did you see her new collar? She�s so lucky!" Or, like with a cat I used to have, �Did you see Thor today? He�d such a stoner!" When I think of my old cat Thor, who now lives with his Aunt Katy in Austin and has since been renamed Gravel, I imagine if he were a person he�d be a stoner/skater type because he totally is. Awesome cat.

Or do the red-assed baboons make fun of the baboons with no butt? Or a pink butt? "OH. MY. GOD. Look at her butt - it is SO pink!" It�s really sad the bad rap red-assed baboons get. I just googled red-assed baboons and people talk all kinds of crap about them � not cool, man. They are going to take over the world someday and crap-nasty human will be a phrase that will be adopted by bands or used as a phrase for something that totally sucks.

So those are my two questions about animals that I had when I saw this poor big assed ant on my floor.

You laugh, but what do you think about while you are in there? I probably shouldn�t have asked that but I don�t get easily offended so just try me.

OK, here�s some stuff about red-assed apes (which are called Bonobo apes) because you gotta� learn something everyday!

Apparently, they are the horniest apes on earth.

There�s also an organization taking donations to put pants on the poor monkeys.