I am beginning to have an issue with people�s personalized license plates. I was behind CUL8RI1 today and I have spent the last three hours trying to figure out what the hell that license plate is supposed to mean. I used to think that it was a source of entertainment but now I think that the hard to understand personalized plate takes valuable concentration away from those driving.

I am all for people having plates that are easy to understand and don�t cause any undue mental stress like the one I saw today. I think it�s cute and funny when I see stuff like WEB GURL or BE HAPY � easy to understand and brings a smile. That�s what it should be � I shouldn�t have to think for more than 5 seconds about what your license plate is trying to say about you.

Some plates are absolutely invaluable as far as I�m concerned � if your state will allow you to get them because it seems all of the good ones (much like jokes and movies) have �bad� words. Check out the Seinfeld episode about the ASSMAN plates. My sister-in-law in California, who is an OB-GYN, once said that she wanted plates that say BOX DOC. Jesse is so cool like that, I wouldn�t have the ovaries to drive around a car �called� BOX DOC.

Then there are some plates where the people obviously have an extremely high opinion of themselves. I remember as a kid in California, I�d see guys driving around cars that proclaimed that they were �TO COOL� or something and usually the person driving was kinda� bleh. There should be a review board for those types of things just to make sure that people aren�t misrepresenting themselves with their cars (because I know for a fact that people don�t buy cars to make them look smarter, richer or cooler).

Personalized plates can also be hazardous � people will never forget your plates if you pissed them off or something. We once got bumped by a guy in a truck and he refused to stop and look at the huge black mark he left on the bumper of our car. Luke sprinted to their truck was really nice to the folks in N1GHTRDR, even though driver screamed at him and called him everything but the gentleman that he is. So, the guy and his ?wife? (who I thought was a man, too � but that�s a different story) sped off trying to get away from us so I gladly went after them and was singing the COPS theme song the whole time. �Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha� gonna� do? Whatcha� gonna� do when they come for you?�

That was really fun speeding through the streets of Alexandria, testin� out my ride. Luke made me stop though, since he�s the level-headed one who came to the conclusion that 1) we might hurt ourselves and 2) let�s just call the cops on our cell phone. So that�s part of my high-speed chase story � it was more of an OJ Simpson chase since we didn�t get past 35-40 on access roads behind the shopping center but it felt like we were going 120.

Then there are the plates that can have a double meaning. I saw TXGIRL and immediately thought, �yay � a Texas person!� but then I wondered if she was an accountant. A girl I had a class with had DLPH1NZ as a plate and I thought it was trying to say dol-feen-ez, which I thought sounded like the name of a used car salesman or person who sold jewelry and watches out of his trenchcoat but swears that it�s a real Rolex. But, after asking her, I found out that she likes dolphins. I know a girl that spent an entire workday trying to figure out how to fit Asian Spice on a license plate. The world is just getting too complicated.

So, I think that maybe I should establish a list of do�s and don�t when a person is deciding upon a license plate �name�.

PL8 ETIQUETTE

� Do not pick a name that is hard for the layman to understand � it causes accidents and mental frustration of those who drive behind you. Anybody who can figure out CUL8RI1, please leave me a note or sign my guestbook � I won�t be able to sleep tonight. Everybody reading this is probably all, �Damn, she�s stupid � I knew what that was in like 2 seconds!�

� If you want a license plate that might be understood incorrectly because of abbreviation, please be ready to have your car egged by people who are bitter about their tax returns or be mooned by people from Oklahoma. Example: TXGURL.

� Be a nice driver � don�t yell at people and don�t drive aggressively because people are more likely to remember your plate if it�s personalized. Then, when they are driving their brand-spankin� new Hummer in the parking lot of the grocery store they might just decide to park ON your car because they can�t find a space. Does anybody remember this quote�.�Face it ladies, I�m older and I have more insurance�?

� Please be sure that you are not overestimating your coolness, spiciness or hotness when picking out your license plate � you don�t want to lie to the general public. Modesty is a virtue, folks.

� Finally, do not pick out plates that are of a questionable nature. Do you really want to get pulled over for doing a California Roll at a stop sign if you have plates that say BYOB, SMOKEY or GOTBEER? I think not. You�d probably get a full cavity search before you can even get your license and registration out.

Class dismissed��..