I�m sorry � I disappeared for a little while.........

Shoutout to alphabravo for understanding the intense frustration of crappy vanity plates and the scary-ass people that sometimes have them (the lady in Houston is not included - love your ideas and congrats again on the new car).

I was watching E! a moment ago because I had to fulfill my celebrity fashion quota for the day. I don�t know why but I am still totally all about reading about or watching stuff about celebrities lives. I know my life is interesting but I don�t think people would watch my A&E Biography for two reasons: one, I�m not famous (obviously or the diary name would be famousandfabjenn) and two, I haven�t hit rock bottom in anything yet so there'd be no climax to the show (well, if you count being either completely or at least half drunk for three whole months after I graduated from high school because my parents didn�t let me do anything when I lived with them but that�s a different story � if you want to hear about that craziness, email me).

I get totally into People magazine when Luke has band practice. I�m almost serious when I ask Kelly and Barb, �can you BELEIVE what she wore.......� when I really shouldn�t be because there are times when I do the smell test to find something to wear. I�m not a completely gross individual, I swear, but I do on occasion get a little bit of a kick out of the following fashion �mistakes�: not matching anything, wearing sequins in broad daylight, dressing like I�m sixteen when I�m *ahem*....twenty-three, wearing 3-6 inch platforms, sandals or whatever almost everywhere I go.

And now, some stuff about my parents

I have been thinking about my parents� relationship with me. I used to think that my parents were the dorkiest people and the most unbalanced on the planet. This is something that is apparently totally normal so, I totally expect our children to think that of us.

After moving out I have noticed that I have become much closer to my parents. Mostly because my Dad can�t scare me with his (creatively named by me) scary yell/growl/barely talking thing when he�s mad at me and my Mom can no longer force me to color code my closet (though she does try from thousands of miles away). I am noticing that I am really raising my parents now.

I am telling my parents when to go to the doctor, when to stop working so much and when to just calm the fuck down because they are overreacting or being retarded. Yes, I called my Mom retarded the other day and do you know what she did?

A little background on my Mom - the woman�s idea of messing up the kitchen is switching the salt and pepper shakers from their normal salt on the left and pepper on the right to the opposite. She�s totally Kathy Bates in Misery about her house. She can literally say that someone has been in the kitchen because the dishtowel has moved an inch over from where it was before. I kid you not � it�s weird.

So anyway, Mom was freaking out about something and I told her that she was being retarded and she LAUGHED. She thought it was funny.

Parents get freaky as they get older and you think it would be funny or cool but it�s not. My Mom called me a couple of months ago and we were randomly talking about movies and stuff. She started laughing hysterically and was talking about this movie that she and my Dad went to see. By the way, my Mom is like 58 and my Dad (who is my step-dad but totally my Dad) is 78.

So, Mom was giggling forever and finally forced the words out �American Pie III�. I was totally stunned. There are things in that movie that you just don�t want to know that your parents know about. I mean, obviously all parents should know about certain things otherwise they wouldn�t be parents but Stiffler eating dog shit and the whole shaving thing? Oh, yeah, I about passed out right there.

I had to put a quick stop on the conversation when she started saying, �your Dad was tearing up � he was laughing so hard about the part at the restaurant when the guy said �you�ve mad me the happiest guy in the world� and he had that big erection!�. At that point, I almost threw up because hearing that type of thing from your mother and hearing her laugh about it with you (or in my case, just at me because I was SO not laughing) is just weird. It�s like having the sex talk all over again but this time you don�t forget how you felt about it as easily. Ick!!!!!!!

I can see my Dad as my Mom described him in the theater, laughing and tearing up with my Mom while a bunch of teenagers are turning around and looking at them being all, �oh. my. god. there�s old people in here!�. It is kind of funny but just a little too weird, too.

After they went to see the movie, my Dad insisted that they rent the other ones as well. It�s weird how once your parents hit a certain age, they revert back to teenagers. My parents and I are almost the same age now, I guess. I�m glad we don�t live in the same town because I can totally see me somewhere and my parents hiding in some corner talking to their friends saying, �oh, shit, my kid is here! I told her I was at home! She�s SO embarrassing!�