| Mike and Kelly's wedding Oct. 07, 2003 Things I learned at M&K�s wedding: - Eight year olds driving golf carts in the dead of night is not the safest mode of transportation. - Never drink a glass of wine (or many glasses) while playing the �spinning game� with four year olds. - Stealing a golf cart is a lot more fun when you have an accomplice to witness your devious behavior. - The �aftermath� of a crab feast can equal a room being cleared out. We almost had to set fire to a bathroom to purge the demons within. - The proper way to drink Uzso is to raise your glass and shout, �Hoop-a� � any other deviation from that sacred ritual makes you look like a drunken dumbass but if you shout �Hoop-a� you look like you know what you are talking about. - Somehow, guys will always be able to find out what the score of the game is. I don�t even think it matters who is playing or what it is but they seem to just be happy knowing a sports score. - Wedding hangovers feel better than other hangovers. - I just might name my first born son Santiago after the saintly staff member at the resort that continually helped � always above and beyond the call of duty. Duct tape? Coffee? Bottle opener? Chauffer for the golf cart? Lighter? He�s got it all � and he gets everything Looney Tunes style � it just appears to come out of his pockets or out of thin air. - All the nicknames you hate? Yeah, people will insist on calling you at least one of them. Smile and nod. - When an officiant (minister, reverend, etc.) knows your name and your face and you�ve never even met them, it�s probably time to revisit how much you sin because it seems that someone is filling everyone in. - Kids don�t like it when you say �let�s play a game� and it results in being quiet or holding still. Your adoring public will quickly turn on you if you do that. So naturally, yoga and meditation are not entertaining to little kids � plus they can almost put their legs behind their heads so they can totally school you. - Feeding wedding cake to kids at nine o�clock at night to keep them busy for a moment will turn into a bad idea in about 30 minutes. - Never take off uncomfortable shoes until the night is completely over. Your feet will swell to about 14 times their normal size and your pain will be magnified by about the same amount when you have to put your shoes back on. I know the guys are asking why I�d wear uncomfortable shoes in the first place and this is my answer: �Duh, they�re pretty!� - Never, ever, ever, EVER let a bride know that something is wrong. Threaten bodily harm and even death to keep people from telling her anything. And always have tissues. If you forget tissues you suck. - Uncomfortable but very pretty shoes: $50 - Stuff to put in your hair: $35 - Elfish but still sexy and cool bridesmaid�s dress: $200 - Average cost of a wedding: let�s just say it�s a lot ____________________________________________________ - Seeing the bride�s mother cry as she is watching her daughter get married - Seeing the look on Mike�s face when he saw Kelly - Hearing Kelly�s barely above a whisper vows - Seeing two people very dear to you pledge their lives to each other - All of it: totally, completely and utterly PRICELESS ____________________________________________________ |
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