A holiday should not stress people out and get them so riled about what to give who and wondering if it is �good enough�. Valentine�s Day has morphed into this freakish holiday where couples, mostly men, have to wander the earth for roses marked up 600% and the assortment of candy, of which usually only a third gets eaten because they never tell you what the candy is filled with.

Then you are left to your own devices, which usually are biting into said candy and upon realizing that you don�t like the goo it is filled with, you spit it out. Some people put the other piece (with a bite mark on it) back in it�s place in the box, others throw it away. The whole candy thing is depressing in and of itself because it�s like no one can win by choosing the �special assortment of her favorite chocolates�. No matter what, there will be stuff in there that she doesn�t like and she will sit there amongst a box of candy with bite marks on them and think, �Oh, my god? Is my relationship this way? Forrest Gump said that like is like a box of chocolates � what if (insert name of giver of chocolate) is the wrong chocolate?�

Then there is the other scenario where the poor male in the relationship (not monetarily poor but gift giving inadequate or emotionally �not quite with it�) gives the wrong V-day gift. Like a gift certificate or something that just plain pisses her off, like, I don�t know, a mix tape gone awry. This same guy, who probably thought for a bit about what to give his girlfriend/wife/whatever will end up getting no love at all on the day of love.

Valentine�s Day is just a way for Hallmark to make money and a way for women to psychoanalyze their relationship to a level that is beyond what it ever really should be analyzed. Hello, they are men � they usually aren�t the greatest gift givers and they sometimes are forgetful. They are constantly asking us where their socks, shoes and wallets are and we get pissed at them for trying to convey their love for us through crappy mass marketed gifts that the media insists they must give or they will get stoned to death? I feel sorry for the average male on days like this, I really do. Women have it so easy in the gift-giving department � nothing is psychoanalyzed, just taken for what it is and that�s it. I once gave Luke a boob remote and it happened to be around Valentine�s Day, I think. He loved that thing.

Anyway, crazy ranting over. We had a great night. We watched TV, drank and giggled. At one point this commercial was on about a new erectile dysfunction medication and warning at the end of the commercial (with the serious, deep voice) was �if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours, please seek medical attention�. To which Luke replied with a gyrating crotch and the �whhhoooommmm� sound effect that a Star Wars light saber makes�then he counted down on his watch with a concerned face �3 hours, 58 minutes�3 hours, 59 minutes�.(gasp!) 4 HOURS!!! Call 911!�

(sigh) I love that man.